Welcome to My Own Private Waste Land
Hello. I am Lee G. Hornbrook, writer, former college writing professor, editor of The Writing Prof on Medium, author of the memoir, My Own Private Waste Land.
On October 31, 2018, I sat down in a cigar bar in New Haven, CT, in the shadow of Yale University, and began typing some thoughts about my brother who died by suicide 14 years earlier. I taught writing in college for almost 25 years, but with a heavy grading schedule and turbulent personal life, I never had time for my own writing. Now it was my turn to write.
What started as a short writing project turned into a 3+ year behemoth that grew and changed and ultimately became my memoir. I completed my memoir on January 14, 2022.
There was only one problem: It was way too long at 203,000 words. A first series of cuts led to a 168,000 word version. Still too long.
I have spent more than three years reading memoirs, reading books about writing memoirs, and writing my memoir. As I work with editors and attend writers conference and make the final cuts, I am writing about the process of making my book, what it means to have written this memoir.
By the way, T.S. Eliot’s The Waste Land, arguably the most influential poem of the 20th century, celebrates is centenary in 2022, the same year I completed my memoir.
Some Background
I had an idyllic childhood growing up in the San Fernando Valley in the 60s and 70s. My life was the epitome of stability and promise, the American Dream. I lived in one house until I moved away to college, my parents were married 54 years and never argued, everyone in our household got along - nobody cursed at each other, nobody had drug or alcohol problems or major health problems. We had one rule in our house - you couldn’t say “shut up” to anyone else. We had pool parties, played sports, gathered with 15-25 family and close friends for everyone’s birthday and all the holidays, held in our small, middle-class ranch house in Granada Hills, California. We lived an ideal life that others only dreamed about..
Starting with my brother’s suicide in 2004 when I was 41, the next 10 years of my life unraveled completely. My stable, tranquil life was transformed to one hanging by a thread - loss, betrayal, suicide, divorce, mental illness by those around me, and abuse, until I was left broken and alone. In one year, I experienced my mother’s death and permanent estrangement from my family, unfair job firing, and the revelation that my ex had borderline personality disorder, a fact her counselor kept hidden from us. My ex and I lived on a sailboat at that time, dreaming of sailing off into retirement, a dream that was swept away, sucked into the swirling vortex of our divorce.
My next relationship was a polyamorous one in the leather community. Without the possibility of a marriage to collapse, what could go wrong?
What couldn’t?
My life could read like a train wreck, except I’m still standing.
It’s also an inspiring story of perseverance in the face of life’s challenges. I turned my story of love, loss, and betrayal into a memoir of resilience and hope. And with the help of T.S. Eliot, I have created from my story a work of art.
As I complete the final cuts and seek publication, follow along each step of this excited journey. Please subscribe below. Thank you for your support.