Happy Birthday to My Hippie Brother

February 27, 2024 would have been Lynn's 71st birthday

Lynn and Lee, circa 1975

February 27

Today would have been my brother’s 71st birthday. He was 10 years older than me. We shared a room until I was 7, and then he moved into the garage, hung tapestries on the wall, played Harry Nilsson and America albums, grew his hair long, started hitchhiking, became a vegetarian, and hung a yellow poster with a flower on the unfinished garage walls that said “War is not healthy for children and other living things.” He had a plan to go to Canada if he was drafted. Instead, he moved to Olympia for college and spent the rest of his life in the Pacific Northwest, where I now live.

By every account, he was a hippie.

In 2004, after suffering from major depressive disorder for 13 years, he jumped from the Fremont Bridge in Portland, Oregon into the Willamette River. He took control of his endless pain and ended it. His suicide marked - not caused - the beginning of a spiraling vortex in my own life that took a decade to stop. Without his example, and by virtue of his example, he saved me.

His suicide was a tragedy for so many reasons. We didn’t see eye to eye on many things, and we grew apart over the years, but he was a good guy for so many reasons, one of the most humane, loving human beings anyone ever knew, fun, funny, talented, athletic, loving. He spent his life interpreting for the deaf. Then he joined the Assemblies of God church. Not one to do things half way, he became an ordained minister and a counselor and founded churches for the deaf in communities that needed them, in Seattle, Spokane, and Portland, Oregon. And then he became suicidal. For 13 years, he was in and out of institutions, fighting his demons. He was married and had 4 children.

His eldest knew him best before he grew ill. The youngest never knew him when he was well. The middle children - middle children often have it hardest - took it the hardest.

Both of his middle children, a son and daughter, committed suicide.

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This year will mark the 20th anniversary of his death. I have never seen his grave site, but I know where it is, and I may visit this year where he is buried next to his wife (cancer) and his two children.

This year, I will be 10 years older than he ever reached. I have lived for 20 years without him, fully 1/3 of my life.

The words “I miss him” don’t mean anything to me. It’s an understatement so vast that it makes the marianas trench seem like a sidewalk crack. We lived far from each other and led separate lives. But we were preternaturally alike, and I’ve spent my life being confused for him. Even my own mother couldn’t tell our voices apart on the phone. The stories are legendary, and I’ve written a memoir in which our similarities plays a pivotal role.

I was the youngest in my family, called “The Kid.” My brother was the oldest. The photo above is most likely from early 1975, just after he was married and just before he took me on a three-week camping and hitchhiking trip to 3 of the Hawaiian Islands while his wife took a trip to Europe with her best friend, keeping a childhood agreement she had before Lynn and Jody settled into their married life together.

It wouldn’t be long before joined the church and his separation from the rest of the family began, including his deep descent into the darkness of depression.

Today, though, it’s his birthday. Happy birthday, bro. You are far from forgotten.

You were loved. You are loved.

Your little brother,

Lee
xoxo

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I am a certified book editor and writing coach, with a 30 year history of teaching writing in college. If you’re in the market for an experienced editor, contact me at The Writing Prof Editorial Services.

I have written a memoir and am currently revising and will soon resume querying to seek traditional publication.

I write about:

• writing, literature, and the writing life

• writing process

• memoir craft

• mental illness - major depressive disorder, suicide, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder

• sailing

• alternative lifestyles - polyamory and kink

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